by Mark D. Lerner, Ph.D.

Chairman, National Center for Emotional Wellness

CEO & Creator, TruthJava.com

When faced with the opportunity to support those who have experienced harm, it is common to feel uncertain about how to best assist them. To alleviate this uncertainty, here is a compilation of practical strategies that can be utilized to provide immediate assistance:

1. Be there and listen. It’s generally not what we say

that helps people the most, it’s often what we don’t

say.

2. Be empathic. Try to communicate an understanding

of the feelings behind another person’s words.

3. When appropriate, use physical touch or a warm

embrace.

4. Instead of being an expert in solving other’s problems, strive to become an expert in helping others

to find the answers within themselves (e.g., “If you were the way you would ideally like to be, what

would you say?”).

5. Tell people what they need to do when their safety, or the safety of others, is compromised (e.g.,

“You need to share this with your family.” “We need to notify the police, now.” “Let’s turn to your

doctor.” etc.).

6. During challenges and change, try to normalize and validate other’s experiences (e.g., “This must

be scary, I’m here for you.”), instead of using cliches (e.g., “It could have been worse.”).

7. Realize that children, particularly young children, take their cues from the adults around them. When

asked, tell children the truth at a developmentally and personally appropriate level.

8. Encourge people to use strategies that foster emotional wellness. Give genuine compliments.

9. Keep others’ thoughts and feelings in confidence—unless they could present a danger to

themselves or others (if so, call 911).

10. Know that people never forget what others do during peak emotional experiences. As it has been

said, “They may forget what you said—but they will never forget the way you made them feel.”

(Buehner)